What Is Neurodiversity in Youth and How Can Parents Support It?
When Governor Tim Walz took the stage at the 2024 Democratic National Convention to accept the nomination for Vice President of the United States, he never could have imagined how the moment would become one of representation for neurodivergent children like his son, Gus. Overcome with pride for his dad, Gus stood and cheered louder than anyone, excitedly shouting, “That’s my dad!” in a moment that went viral on social media. Gus’s actions that day helped those like him and his parents to feel seen, bringing new awareness to neurodiversity in our culture.
As parents and caregivers, learning that your child is neurodivergent may feel like stepping into the unknown. How will this affect their future? How can I understand my child when they think and process things differently? Caring for children and teens who are neurodivergent brings both joys and challenges, but finding opportunities to embrace their perspective and support them can be life-changing.
What is Neurodiversity?
Neurodiversity essentially comes down to a person’s way of thinking. Neurodivergent youth process the world around them in a different, often creative way compared to neurotypical individuals. Erica Herzog, KVC Kansas’ Director of Outpatient Services for the East Kansas Region, shares clarity.
Erica Herzog, Director of Outpatient Behavioral Health Services
“While we use terms like ‘neurodivergent’ and ‘neurotypical,’ there is no one right way for brains to function. Neurodiversity means that people experience and interact with the world in many different ways, and those differences are natural and valuable,” Erica explains.
Neurodiversity is a vast umbrella that is expanding every day as we learn more about how the brain works, but it generally encompasses the following conditions that may be identified by a professional:
Every neurodivergent diagnosis exists on a spectrum. No two individuals experience the world in exactly the same way as another youth with the same diagnosis!
Why More Children Are Being Identified as Neurodivergent
Does it seem like more of these diagnoses are appearing than in the past? It’s actually due to increased awareness and understanding of neurodiversity! Better access to evaluations and treatments, as well as less stigma around a diagnosis, are making a difference. When people who are neurodiverse can get the diagnosis they need, it can be empowering and lead to hope and support.
Neurodiversity is not a “made-up” way of making someone different. It’s a term that celebrates the many different ways the brain can process the world and helps youth who experience things differently to understand themselves and others better. Because their approach to learning and processing is unique, neurodiverse youth often benefit from extra help and support.
Strengths to Celebrate in Neurodivergent Youth
Your first instinct when thinking about neurodiversity may be to focus on the challenges. But don’t miss the incredible strengths neurodiverse children and teens have!
Governor Walz shared how he and his wife struggled at first when they learned their son had ADHD, an anxiety disorder and a non-verbal learning disorder. “It took time, but what became so immediately clear to us was that Gus’s condition is not a setback — it’s his secret power,” they shared in an interview with PEOPLE Magazine.
Here are a few examples of what being neurodiverse is like:
Creativity and Learning
While neurodiversity is sometimes thought of as a “learning disability,” many neurodiverse youth actually excel at creativity and learning! It’s common for neurodiverse children to hyperfocus on a special interest or when working on a specific task.
They often thrive in structured routines and are naturally good at problem-solving. “I’ve seen neurodivergent teens build robots from scratch, write novels and advocate fiercely for justice, all fueled by their unique way of thinking,” says Erica.
Self-Advocacy and Resilience
Because they tend to think in ways that may be different from their peers, teachers and parents, neurodiverse youth learn early on how to advocate for themselves in many different situations. They tend to succeed while setting boundaries, making sure others know what they need and expressing themselves. That’s something we can all learn from!
As they face the challenges of thinking differently and often being misunderstood, neurodivergent youth grow into amazingly resilient youth and adults. The courage and authenticity with which your child faces every day is well worth celebrating.
Deep Feelings
Watch just a few seconds of Gus’s emotional reaction to his dad’s vice presidential nomination, and it’s easy to see how deep he is in his feelings! This can be common for neurodivergent youth as well. As they feel things powerfully, they can be very expressive when sad, angry, overwhelmed, excited and, of course, happy!
Community
Being neurodivergent instantly places your child in a close-knit community that loves to celebrate and encourage one another! Finding other youth who think like they do or share their interests creates relationships that are incredibly close and meaningful. And you can find a connection among caregivers, too.
Helping Neurodivergent Youth Overcome Daily Challenges
Many of the joys worth celebrating have roots in the challenges neurodiverse youth face. Overcoming adversity can lead to growth and becoming stronger versions of ourselves. Here are some of the challenges you may experience when parenting a neurodiverse youth, and what you should know about the way their mind works:
Communication Challenges
Communication can be a big challenge with a neurodiverse youth. Because they think about the world differently, they may not recognize the same social cues or interpret things the same way. Many neurodiverse thinkers understand things literally. So it can help to avoid things like sarcasm and figures of speech that just won’t translate well.
Sensory Challenges
It’s easy for many neurodiverse youth to get overstimulated by strong sensory feelings like loud places, bright lights or even certain physical textures and feelings. When a neurodiverse youth feels this sensory overload, they may react by withdrawing, avoiding or having a meltdown. Sometimes these sensory overloads happen with the most seemingly simple things, like brushing teeth or trying on clothes at the mall.
Social and Emotional Challenges
We’ve all had socially awkward moments in life where a social cue went over our heads, but this is something neurodiverse individuals often struggle with. Because they don’t always understand different social cues, it can be hard for neurodiverse youth to make friends or know how to act in some social situations.
School Challenges
School can be especially challenging for children and teens who are neurodivergent, who may need different supports to succeed. You may notice your child’s grades slipping even though you know how intelligent they are and that they’re putting in the effort. They might have a hard time concentrating, staying organized and keeping on top of deadlines simply because their brain is wired differently and they need support that their school doesn’t offer.
Home Life Challenges
Your child may have a hard time with things around the house as well, like keeping up with chores and responsibilities. They may also have a hard time with big transitions, like moving to a new house or going from elementary school to middle school.
Practical Ways to Support Neurodivergent Children and Teens
So you understand that your child has many strengths and challenges that come with their neurodiversity. But what can you do to make sure they have all the support they need to thrive? Here are some specific, practical ways you can be there for your child and advocate for their future:
- Know what overwhelms them: Learn what your child finds overwhelming and provide sensory-friendly tools (like noise-cancelling headphones) in those moments.
- Learn to communicate: If your child is nonverbal or struggles with verbal communication, find other ways that they can let you know what they feel or need. Things like AAC devices, communication boards, sign language or even just writing and drawing can help your child feel empowered.
- Practice to build confidence: Roleplay different social scenarios at home to help your child feel more prepared.
- Build a support network: Find safe and trustworthy adults and peers at school, sports, a place of worship and anywhere else your child spends a lot of time.
- Advocate: Talk to your child’s teachers about accommodations to make the classroom a space where they can thrive
- Educate: Teach your child (and yourself!) different self-regulation tools and emotional intelligence skills.
- Get connected: Find neurodiverse communities your child can connect with and where you can meet other parents of neurodiverse youth.
- Set routines: Create predictable schedules and routines to make daily life easier to tackle.
- Practice self-care: You can’t be what they need if your cup is empty, so make time to take care of your mental health too!
Remember: Not every tip works for every child! Matt Arnet, Director of Outpatient Services for the Kansas City Metro region, reminds parents that it’s important to learn the way your child thinks, not make assumptions based on their diagnosis.
“There’s not one single treatment or support pathway. How children and teens process the information around them is so individual, so the way you care for them should be too,” — Matt Arnet, Director of Outpatient Services
The Impact Foster Parents Can Have
Neurodiversity is common among youth in foster care, with an estimated 40,000 or more neurodiverse children in the U.S. foster care system. That’s why it’s important for foster parents to understand neurodiversity and how to be supportive. Erica says it’s a lot more common for children in foster care to get a neurodiverse diagnosis because of the early trauma and inconsistent care they have experienced, as well as missed diagnoses in their early years.
Neurodiverse youth in foster care need stability, patience and support handling the many transitions that already occur in life, not to mention the extra transitions that happen in the foster care system. The more stability and support you can provide, the better set up for future success these children and teens will be!
How One Foster Family Made a Difference
When a Kansas City foster family welcomed Stephen into their home, they quickly noticed he seemed lonely and sad a lot of the time, despite their efforts to bond with him. Stephen kept to himself at school and didn’t seem to have any friends. When the foster parents came to KVC for help, Matt could tell right away that this youth was neurodivergent.
The first step? Finding out what Stephen loved. Matt learned that Stephen was passionate about building and would spend hours in his room constructing elaborate train tracks! “He was an engineer at ten years old,” recalls Matt fondly. Once he understood what Stephen loved, the next step was to help him find a friend he could share this interest with.
The foster parents talked to Stephen’s teachers and got connected with another family whose son loved building. They got the boys together, and the two builders spent the entire time building side-by-side and hardly ever talking. “When I talked to him in therapy that week, he said it was the best time since he could remember,” shares Matt. “Even just having someone nearby who didn’t feel the need to talk the way through time together made him feel really comfortable, and they ended up becoming good friends.”
Thanks to these foster parents going the extra mile to find support for Stephen, he discovered a friendship that helped him to feel less alone. He became more engaged at home and school and grew a small, close group of friends, all thanks to his foster parents’ desire to help.
Become a Foster Parent with KVC Kansas!
There are many children just like Stephen who need someone to recognize their strengths and help them navigate life’s challenges. If you want to make a difference in a neurodivergent youth’s life, contact KVC Kansas to learn more about becoming a foster parent!
KVC Kansas offers trauma-informed training, case management, access to behavioral health services, and ongoing education to help parents and foster parents understand and meet the needs of neurodiverse children and teens. We believe in empowering caregivers to be strong advocates and in helping every child thrive.
